I'm a worrier

And no, I didn't misspel warrior as worrier. Although I do consider myself a warrior too.

No, I'm a worrier, be it for social situations, getting seriously ill, or something happening to my family - especially my daughter.

It is a daily occurance, and right now for example I worry about getting cancer again. I have felt under the weather for a few days, nothing bad just a bit off, and it probably is just the change in weather from warm to cool and rainy, being a bit stressed at work, and having problems getting back into things after our vacation. Normal things that everyone deals with.

But for me, having had cancer twice already, feeling off is a trigger for disaster. I can't tell you how many times I have said a tearful goodbye to my family, lying on my death bed, skinny and with a bald head. All in my mind of course. Or watching my husband walk our daughter up the isle on her wedding day, from some distant place of who knows where (I don't believe in heaven, so perhaps I am reincarnated as the flower decorations?),Β  or my daughter holding her first born, my grandchild, and me not being there with her. Heart wrenching, right? Just writing about it now makes me tear up.

I have just downloaded a book on Audible, called "The Worry Trick" by David B. Carbonell PhD. I am only a few chapters in, but so far so good. If nothing else, I know I'm not alone! Worrying is normal, and it doesn't have to be debilitating. So I take a lot of deep breaths, I stop myself when my head starts spinning in the wrong direction, and I try to find a more positive alternative to what worries me.

I am practicing every day, almost all the time. I will get great at handling my worries very soon!

The swing of things

I have had a really hard time getting back into the swing of things after my summer vacation. We had a lovely time, but I didn't feel properly rested when I got back. And to top it off I had to hit the ground running at work, with a super busy schedule which hasn't slowed down at all since I got back.

I started off by having a big shoot to plan, execute and finalize in the first week. A job that is fun, but also super draining.

So if course I got sick the next week, nothing serious, just a cold with headache and a sore throat, but not a great way to get on top of things. Then one of our cats got sick, and had to be put down, and then my daughter got sick too, luckily only with a fever, but she was properly out of it for two days.

And having two weeks with chaos does nothing good for my schedule. Things get pushed in front to be dealt with later, and in the end I have so much stuff in front of me that I have no idea where to begin.

I don't like being in this situation. I like routine and predictability, not chaos and turmoil. I like having lists and to be able to sit down and just get the work done. All the running around is what gets me. I am terrible at multitasking (as most people are, regardless of what they write in their CV's!) and I need structure and time to get my head around my tasks.

Things are slowing down for me, and I can see my schedule easing up the next little while. In the meantime I am keeping my head above water, and taking all the breaks and breathers I can find. And I hug my daughter a lot. Nothing beats being stressed better than a bear hug from her.